A Real Actress

Hallo friends.

I got a real rush yesterday. It was my first day in my agents office. We had to get me up and running, on the system and the like so I can be put up for acting work. Yes me, little old me living the dream. My photo was put up on the wall along with the other actors and there I was:
a real actress.

It feels amazing. I have come a long long way. Taken a brave step and bloody love it. This time 3 years ago I felt desperate, stuck in a job I no longer loved or cared about. It's hard being a paramedic when you feel like this. Really hard. I still cared about human beings, I just didn't want to take care of them anymore, it got too much. My heart had left and I can't live my life without my heart being engaged, that's just who I am. So sitting looking at my head shot, surrounded by other lovely actors I felt proud of myself. I've learnt I will never let myself down, there is real power in that.

I proceeded to an audition that eve (I'm living the life- insert happy face) and am tentatively waiting to hear. It would be a really brilliant opportunity but getting your hopes up is dangerous so I'm trying to control my hopes. I did my best and it's up to the director. Am I what be wants? This profession is weird cause you don't have control, you can only do your best. That's where sanity lies. Can you walk away saying and feeling you have done your best? I've been dreaming all night, different scenarios, losing my lines, stammering, being crap. Oh subconscious leave it out. But you see I have a weapon to defend me, I can't help but smile to myself, I'm living the life, I'm a real actress and that's all that matters to me deep down, so deep inside I am smiling cause I'm actually doing what I want wih my life.

I am djing at my friends wedding today. I need to download some recent chart music. Even though I'm old enough now to think it all sounds the same!!!! But I'll play whatever makes people dance. Prob invest in a Now album. I hate loading the kit into my old Astra but once I get rolling I just love it. I intoxicate people with pop, it's like being a drug dealer of synth beats.

And finally, I have grown to really love spiders. I've watched females fiercely protect their balls of eggs when I've tried to sweep them off the wall and they are such intelligent creatures. And spider webs.... nuff said.

Love xx